“It really hurts to have sex,” I told my doctor. “As, many.”
I sat in a hospital dress on the exam table at the office of my family trainee in Santa Fe of New Mexico. It was the same table where I sat on both of my pregnancies and where, three years earlier, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
“I’m so sorry,” my doctor said. “I know how it feels to get through menopause. Especially after you went through the night.”
It was she who diagnosed me with cancer. I had found a small piece on my right chest and called her office immediately. Our appointment fell on Halloween 2017 and was dressed as a snow white, wearing a full face color and black wig.
“You’re one of the lucky ones,” he said, as I was sitting on the table and shouted. “You don’t need chemotherapy and you’ll be okay.” My doctor was right – I was lucky. I had caught early and with breast cancer, early detection is everything.
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My treatment included a mastectomy, reconstruction surgery and 10 years of targeted hormone therapy – to kill estrogen in my body and reduce the risk of recurrent cancer. The purpose of these hormone therapies-for pre-menopausal women-is to slaughter you through menopause. It worked. Within a few weeks, I went from being a healthy 37 -year -old menstrual woman, to a surviving cancer with hot, after menopause. I have suffered vaginal irritation, which I later learned was vaginal atrophy. The only thing that was not atrophy was my post-operative breasts-it was more curious than ever. But while my tits felt 16 again, my vagina felt 61. It was a total mindfuck.
“It hurts,” I complained. “Just … all the time. And especially during sex.”
“Menopause makes it very uncomfortable-almost impossible-to have successful sexual intercourse,” said the essential. “Have you heard of vaginal rejuvenation? A colleague of mine in Albuquerque offers laser treatment in her practice.
An hour later I was at home, Googling Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation. Eventually, I found a reliable women’s health care area with information about treatment. Above the medical description, there was a photo of a smiling woman in the 1960s, wearing a pink button on top shirt. He had done the treatments and seemed to enjoy “successful contact”.
The type of vaginal rejuvenation I thought, “gently rejuvenate” the vagina, providing a type of treatment known as a fractional CO2 (carbon dioxide) laser laser energy in the soft tissues of the vaginal wall and providing treatment without hormones. The vaginal atrophy-for those who have not yet traveled to the desert of the Sahara of menopause-is the next vaginal dryness. It is a side effect of menopause – practical guarantee. For many women and people with bays, vaginal estrogen creams can provide sufficient relief for the pain experienced during contact caused by vaginal atrophy. For women like me – who preventively kill estrogen within their bodies with large drugs – research remains constant for estrogen creams, rings and tablets and if they are safe to use. At the moment, it’s not something I’m comfortable with.
I was excited to discuss what I learned with my husband. In the seas of parental care two toddlers-I recover and from a life-threatening disease-the treatment of sexual dysfunction was on our list of obligations, but there was no crisis in our marriage yet. Together we defined two important disadvantages in treatment. The first was the price. Laser treatment consists of three sessions, remote from a few months. I mentioned a total of $ 3,000 for the three sessions. Insurance does not cover the cost of vaginal rejuvenation, although you may be returned through a flexible expenditure account (FSA). I don’t have one of them.
The second concern was the danger. Most of the sites I was researching did not report any danger with treatment. But there is, of course, the risk when you decide to pass your vagina. Some women have experienced pain pain during treatment and – in very rare cases – have been vaginal burns. However, and because I was one of the lucky ones to have access to treatment and I could afford it, I decided to try it.
A few weeks later, I got the Mesas desert on my way to Albuquerque for my first laser treatment. When I arrived at the little gynecology practice, I greeted me by a young receptionist. I told her with a quiet voice that I was there for vaginal rejuvenation. He asked me to repeat myself. I did it. He turned nervously and asked me to wait. I watched her advice with a colleague before returning to the window. “I’m sorry,” he said with fun. “I hadn’t heard about it before.” I shot her a look I had to say, Menopause comes for you, young girl.
Eventually, I was taken to an exam room and gave a dress. A nurse entered the room and applied a cream with numbness on my lips. As I was expecting to confuse, I saw laser treatment at the corner of the room. It was a tall machine with a long, thin stick. It looked like something you can see in a dentist’s office. Then, the gynecologist came in-an older, soft, hippy-iswoman-and told me how excited it was to have the opportunity to perform the treatment. “Have you used laser before?” I asked nervously. “Only sometimes,” he replied. I tried to ignore the sudden wave of panic washed on me. He activated the machine and made a loud, vibrant noise. As I was left behind, a label from an old Virginia trademark fell into my mind: You’ve gone too far, baby.
The initial treatment went well. For a few days, I experienced some light vaginal bleeding, which was expected. Laser creates tiny microscopic decisions on the vaginal wall, increasing blood flow and stimulating the development of new blood vessels-essentially bringing new life to your vagina. I didn’t feel pain during treatment, though it was a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed. After the first session, I noticed something immediately. My vagina seemed happier. In fact, it didn’t hurt – at all.
My gynecologist told me to have sex between the sessions to help maintain my new elasticity. I felt so reinforced by the positive results of the first treatment, I couldn’t wait to jump in bed with my husband. But when it’s time to get off the business, I was extremely disappointed to know that the penetration remained very painful.
“I’m sorry,” I said to my husband, after trying – unsuccessfully – to have sex. “I can’t do that. It hurts too much.” I was in tears. Both were disappointed. Would I have sex again?
I brought this question to my next appointment at Albuquerque. My gynecologist told me to wait to finish all three treatments before I came to conclusions. But the results from the second treatment were not all of them remarkable. And the same applies to the third and final treatment. It seemed to me that the most important benefits of vaginal rejuvenation occurred after the first treatment. It had a very positive effect on the overall well -being of my vagina, but did not determine the painful symptoms I experience during intercourse.
Six months after my original doctor’s visit, I was back in the room that examines my experience in detail. My doctor and I have agreed that the research and dedication of more women’s health chapters has a long way to go. Most women cannot withstand the exact treatments of vaginal laser, and instead learn to smooth out their pain or simply avoid talking about it.
Does vaginal rejuvenation determine the painful symptoms I experienced during sex? No. Do I feel comfortable using an estrogen cream? Again, no. But I think of the waiting room at Dana Farber Cancer Center – and I guess I can live with him. The question is, why should you? Why is there a small blue pill for erections and not an effective medicine for vaginal dryness? Again, it seems that we were given the axis.
Before I leave, my doctor wrote a recipe for Lidocaine, a cream with numbness.
“Put this in twenty minutes before sex, it really helps,” he said. Before leaving the room, he turned around and gave me a half smile, as if he were saying, Welcome to menopause, we have gone a long way, my baby. But do we have?
There are some other vaginal atrophy treatments not estrogen out there-and maybe someday I will try them. At the moment, my partner and I explore what “successful contact” means to us. Penetration is just one way to have sex – there are a lot of fun things.
After being flooded with menopause, I had to have these embarrassing but ultimately fruitful discussions – and in many ways they brought us closer. We redefined sex and intimacy to look like us – and that feels like success.
The essay initially ran in November 2022 and we are now publishing it as part of the HuffPost Personal series “Best of”.
Anna Sullivan Reiser is a writer and mental health therapist. He writes about Insider and is a co-influential of the upcoming Podcast “Healing + Dealing”, which shines on new survivors. She lives in Santa Fe of New Mexico, with her husband and two children. You can contact her at her annasullivanreiser.com or follow Instagram @Healinganddealingpod.
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