Have a root channel and other ways to slow down time

By Dorothy Rosby, this and that

HWe are, well in 2025, and I am still writing the wrong year for my checks. I would put it in custody except that I wrote today in 2019. Maybe because 2019 only looks like a few days ago for me.

I am determined to do 2025 last and when next January rolls around, I will be ready to write 2026 in my checks. Or at least, 2025.

It is possible to slow down time, you know. Try drinking a gallon of caffeine before bed. Or a gallon anything. One night will feel three weeks.

You can do half an hour on the last day if you check your watch every few seconds. I know why I did it today at the doctor’s office.

And if you really want to slow down time, I bet that one year in prison would feel five. Fortunately I was able to find less extreme ideas about this source of all wisdom, the internet. And as a public service, I will share them with you so you can start putting the right year in your checks.

As it turns out, many have been written on the subject. An article I read suggested that we occasionally change our routine can help. This would be quite easy for me to try 2025. Normally I get up, feed the cat and go straight to my office. Maybe once or twice a week, I could get up, feed the cat and go back to bed.

Several articles have said that impatience for something has a way of slowing down. I would agree with that. My watch has essentially stopped and now all I look forward to being lunch.

Neuroscientist David Eagleman says that boredom also slows down time down and I can assure this too. I once watched a university graduation that lasted about two and a half hours. But I could swear that it took 12 days.

All the articles I read claimed that time seems slower for younger ones because they have more new experiences to point out. As we get older, we have less unforgettable events. Or maybe we just don’t remember them. Joke! Kind.

Eagleman uses the ratio of a video to explain the phenomenon. “The way we estimate that the duration has a lot to do with how much memory we have specified – how many videos we have to draw from the video.” In other words, if our lives are basically the same time as the time, we have less new “videos in our video”. It probably doesn’t help to record VHS yet.

The point is that the deceleration time can be as simple as adding videos from unforgettable events. Moving, taking a new job and married are some of the biggest unforgettable adults involved.

The broken edges, root canals and wing boats are also quite unforgettable. And if they fail to slow down time, at least they make us appreciate how fast it goes.

The types of experiences that put in a bucket list may be preferable, especially if your bucket list includes exciting activities such as the bungee jump, skydiving or running a marathon. These would give you some really good shots – if you survive.

My list is not so exciting but it is safer. Among other things, I dream of a good night’s sleep. And finally to clear my office. And just once in my life, I would like to make my check book balance the first attempt.

I’m not sure how much video would determine, but it would be easier than running a marathon and more fun than having a radical channel.

Dorothy Rosby is the author of Alexa’s a spy and other things to do, humorous essays on the discomfort of our time and other books. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.