Source: TyliJura / Pixabay
A plastic surgeon friend, who is under 40 and works in Los Angeles, told me that her friends—all in their 30s—ask her where to go for the best butt augmentation: butt lift.
Another friend, a well-known writer in her 60s, told me (when I was crying my “eye bags”), “Go see Dr. Pavlov! My neck, my eyes, my chin, it did it all. Best thing I’ve ever done, you’ll love it!” (Pavlov’s real name is not “Pavlov,” but close. I couldn’t help changing it to remember the undeniable, reflexive, dog-like reaction that we must look, be, pretend, and become younger, at any cost. )
Another friend, in his 60s and half-Slavic, looks impressive. He told me the same thing. “Oh yes, I had run out of eyes. The chin too. But you look good. you don’t need it.” (He’s kind and a man; he basically had to say that.)
My 92 year old father (bless him) agreed. Even though he is a man, I knew he would tell me the truth. “You have no bags!” she protested, “They’re tiny, only in the morning. You don’t need surgery!” OK, maybe he’s biased.
In any case, I was surprised to realize that my two friends (and surely many others I don’t know about) had “done work”. This work was excellent: I had never noticed it. My friends looked great, but I didn’t think they looked much younger.
Although we rarely think about it, aging is one of the last frontiers of “acceptable” bias and discrimination. Last week, my son-in-law, one of the most socially conscious people I know, lamented that he is “Thirty-three! So old! I can’t stay out late anymore,” as if that’s bad. Jokes about “moments of old age”, “my aging memory!” or “Oh, it must be Alzheimer’s!” are very common. I catch them coming out of my own mouth. Implicit aging is alive and well, at its destructive best.
Meanwhile, in the United States, Boomers and Millennials, the two largest age groups, will soon outnumber those 18 and under. In 10 years, projections say the number of those 65 and older will outnumber children and teenagers in the United States. Do we really want to contribute our savings to billion dollar “anti-aging” companies that manufacture serums, filters, devices, creams and surgeries?
Source: Diana Polekhina / Unsplash
Lest you think a little age never hurt anyone, you know, the disasters are real. And the group that appears to have the strongest implicit bias against the elderly they are older adults themselves. A growing body of research, led by Becca Levy, Ph.D., at Yale, shows that much of what older people attribute to aging (for example, heart disease, hearing loss, memory changes, etc.), is significantly affected . from our beliefs about aging.
In other words, since I’m about to turn 65, I might as well call it quits, expect the worst, retire to the couch and become a reality TV personality. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we all know, at any age, being healthy involves living a life of constant purpose and dedication. If I became the proverbial couch potato, I would get worse faster.
Anti, I can look to Noam Chomsky, Georgia O’Keeffe or Maya Angelou for inspiration, believing that I still have something to contribute. Sure, the hardware sometimes breaks down, but that’s an advantage of aging today. In the last century, people died from heart attacks that today are preventable. Knees or hips gave way and then people spent their days sitting in a chair with little movement or stimulation. They pretty much wilted. But none of that need be true anymore. Heart disease and other chronic diseases—even cancer—are often preventable and treatable. Diabetes is no longer a death sentence. Joints wear out, but new titanium or ceramic ones replace them, offering renewal and rejuvenation.
Source: Pixie Content/Unsplash
We need to get our minds out of the gutter when it comes to aging. We can counter negative, ageist self-talk and remind ourselves that we have earned our age. It is beautiful, inside and out. Wrinkles are wisdom lines. The “double chin” is smooth and softer to hug. The media may be selling us youth 24/7, but that is not reality. We, the elders, are reality. And if we are just kinder to ourselves and our unique bodies and minds, they will serve us better and longer.
Pavlov, who has a thriving practice in the wealthiest suburb of my city, will have to wait. Maybe forever. Certainly not this year, Lucifer!
